This check in is way overdue but with a lack of time to come up with a more creative post, I thought I'd update my readers about where I am in my life.
In a word, I am in a transition. And struggling at it by the way. I am beginning school again to finish what I started in 2016. Also crossing my fingers here that I can get this degree out of the way by December so that I can really focus on the computer science degree I really want to go for. Not sure how I'll pay for the second degree but hopefully this semester's GPA can put me in a better place for scholarships.
Outside of school, I am constantly adjusting mentally. In fear of being evaluated positively for PTSD, I have been literally dodging my primary care doctor who is also convinced that I should be seen by a psychiatrist. I spent a large amount of life as a human trafficking victim, and then being raised by a mentally challenged care giver. I have been trying so hard since I turned 19 to let go of that part of myself. I struggle daily to express emotions, to communicate with empathy, and many other simple things like even learning new ways to brush my teeth. I am working on myself in every way I can. Having this title of being diagnosed with PTSD makes me feel like I am being held back from my full potential.
Aside from all of that, I am working on my weight loss and my progress has been phenomenal so far! My husband is a having a little harder time adjusting to smaller portioned meals and less snacks throughout the day, but my weight loss is important to me. I am truthfully afraid to become overweight and unhealthy even though I am nowhere near it. Within the past two weeks, I've dropped almost 10 pounds total, and the back rolls I developed from terrible posture are almost invisible.
With so much going on, I am holding myself to the responsibility of journaling every night before I go to bed. The last two things on my to do list every day are "Oil scalp and journal". Journaling has become so freeing but it still fills my mind with doubts of if someone will read about what really goes on in my head. I have so many business ideas and creative executions, I have so many negative thoughts when I become overwhelmed or discouraged by failure. I am torn between being completely self sufficient (working on my own time and traveling on my own schedule) and finding myself in a successful career making 6 figures in the tech sector. My willingness to get those words and emotions out outweighs my fears of being exposed. My husband is the only person in my home and we have a great respectful barrier for privacy. I think I'll be fine.
I have not put my video game development in the trash yet, but it is on hold while I work on a data science certificate separate from school and everything else going on.
And have I mentioned being married is WORK? I think that is enough venting for today.
Make sure you wash your hands and wear a mask today!